| The day after |
[Nov. 30th, 2006|09:33 am] |
| [ | I'm in one of those moods |
| |  crushed | ] |
I am not feeling well today.
At all.
It must be that dream. It’s driving me mad and I can’t rest.
I vomited again this morning and there was blood traces in there. That’s NOT a good sign. THAT much I know.
I would worry but although my stress level is at its maximum, I am running so low on energy that I don’t even have the force to tremble and shake.
Getting up, washed and dressed this morning took me far too much time and effort.
I could not possibly get anywhere else today.
( Read more... ) |
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| The Dream |
[Nov. 30th, 2006|05:38 am] |
| [ | I'm in one of those moods |
| | crushed | ] |
I am haunted, doomed and unredeemable.
I closed my eyes yesterday evening – and God knows that they needed closing – and found myself almost instantly – really it could not have lasted longer that two breaths’ span – in the snow, resting against the bark of an aspen, like a ragged doll whose stuffing has been beaten out.
No energy, no will power, no will at all for all I could judge.
And hardly any clothes on.
( Read more... ) |
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| It’s Wednesday |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|11:09 am] |
| [ | I'm in one of those moods |
| |  apathetic | ] |
Well you know what THAT means, don’t you ?
Another one of these blooming “Liars Anonymous” meetings !
( Read more... ) |
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| Mirror upon the wall ... |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|05:27 am] |
| [ | I'm in one of those moods |
| |  cold | ] |
As I should have anticipated, yesterday evening I was dragged to celebrate my birthday in one of my favourite restaurant in Frascati.
I could hardly eat.
My stomach is being at best unresponsive but most of the time is being plain rebellious.
It is starting to tell.
Not only am I feeling weak, but my clothes have started to fell loose around me. Yesterday evening, the owner of the restaurant, whom we know well, was obviously horrified to see me.
So much so that this morning I did something I do very rarely.
( Read more... ) |
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| WOW |
[Nov. 28th, 2006|06:54 am] |
| [ | I'm in one of those moods |
| | crushed | ] |
It’s my birthday.
I’d completely forgotten that something so mundane could also happen to someone like me.
Strange to think that even criminals have birthdays too. It does not feel right. Criminals should not have been born at all. Life would be so much nicer this way…
Need I say that I am in no mood to celebrate ?
And yet, my loved ones will expect me to, no doubt.
And it gets worse:
I went for my daily trek to the news stand and treated myself to a couple of papers.
They both sport a call for witnesses from the police department.
I’m done for, people.
What could I do to escape ?
Shave my hair or dye it ?
This is useless and I have cried all my tears. |
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| The dream |
[Nov. 28th, 2006|05:02 am] |
| [ | I'm in one of those moods |
| |  scared | ] |
Well, those pain killers made me sleep but they did not save me from YET another one of THOSE dreams.
Again, I got myself transported into this snowy and poplary endless land, just like a common criminal would have been in the earlier days, to Cayenne or to Botany Bay.
( Read more... ) |
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| The dangers of normal life |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|02:56 pm] |
| [ | I'm in one of those moods |
| |  sick | ] |
I got so panicked when I realised that the police could start to call at work that I actually drove there and took phone jack out of the socket.
( Read more... ) |
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| The gap is closing in |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|10:25 am] |
| [ | I'm in one of those moods |
| | scared | ] |
I went out to get some fresh air and a little exercise and could not resist buying a newspaper. The regular kind, because I did not dare question Zelda about the tabloid and no amount of groping at the newsstand has produced the desired article.
( Read more... ) |
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stressed
bitchy